G-BJNWSNVHW4 G-BJNWSNVHW4
top of page
Search

Adult Friendship: The Psychology of Something That Predicts Wellbeing

  • Writer: Alan Bradshaw
    Alan Bradshaw
  • 1 day ago
  • 5 min read

Smiling man with glasses and a beard in a grey suit and blue tie against a plain white background.


Alan Bradshaw, is the Founder & CEO of the Psychology Business Incubator (PBI), a community for those interested and involved in psychology-based business. He is our 'Chief Community Builder and Connection Enabler'. Alan's professional psychology background is in the area of managing stress and mental health risks at work, and he has developed tools and training to help with this. Separately, he is a Deputy Chair and a Director of William Simpsons, a social care organisation and charity in Central Scotland that provides residential care and respite for people with a long-term mental health diagnosis linked to substance misuse. 



It’s so important. An ever-present in good lives, well spent and “well” is the operative word.


I’m talking about adult friendship.


It’s so integrated into our journey through life that perhaps we take it for granted. But we shouldn’t. Because friendship isn’t just associated with wellbeing, it predicts it.


18,262 Walks


When I go for a walk around the village where I live, I regularly see two octogenarians, Matt (82) and Davie (84). They’ve been friends all their lives. For the last 50 years or so, they’ve gone for a walk together every night.


That’s about 18,262 walks.


They don’t walk as far as they used to, but they still manage a mile or so. Weather permitting, they stop at a seat at the top of the local graveyard, perched on a hill called Cemetery Brae (“brae” being Scottish for hill and I often feel close to death myself by the time I get to the top).


They sit and chat for about 45 minutes before walking home. Both have chronic health issues. Yet they look well. Matt still plays golf most days. Davie helps out daily on the local farm. Recently, Davie lost his wife. No doubt Matt is a huge support to him.


Their friendship is sustaining them. Keeping them well. Keeping them alive.

Longitudinal research shows clearly that time spent with friends predicts wellbeing into very old age. The irony of where they stop for a chat is not lost on me.


For men in particular, friendship appears to be a vital support structure. There are things we will talk to our friends about that we may never discuss with our partners.


Friday in Edinburgh


My big sister Helen is part of a friendship group of six women (aged 72 to 80). They meet every Friday in Edinburgh, for coffee, lunch, or sometimes dinner if there’s something to celebrate.


These weekly meetups started about 10 years ago, linked to retirement, but some of them have known each other for 50 years.


Helen describes them as her closest friends. They talk about everything, the “moans and groans” but also the celebrations. They laugh and cry together.


Life isn’t easy for Helen. Her husband, twenty years older than her, has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We also recently lost our mother. Those Friday meetups? I believe they are essential in keeping her well.


When Friendship Saves You


I’ve had dark, difficult, traumatic periods in my adult life. One in particular was prolonged and grim, related to a loved one’s severe mental illness and psychotic breakdown. It lasted years.


I’m still dealing with the impact on my own mental health.

If it hadn’t been for close friends, I wouldn’t have gotten through it.


There were things I couldn’t talk to my family about, or rather, I tried, but they didn’t know how to respond. It was intensely lonely. Friends were my salvation.


They didn’t judge. They listened. Sometimes they offered respite, somewhere to escape to. One friend stuck with me even when I was doing everything I could to push him away. That same friend later offered sanctuary when things were at their worst.


  • That’s reliable alliance.

  • That’s emotional security.

  • That’s intimacy.

  • That’s friendship.


What Is Adult Friendship?


Adult friendship has been defined as:

“A voluntary, reciprocal, informal, restriction-free, and usually long-lasting close relationship between two unique partners.”(Wrzus et al., 2017; Fehr & Harasymchuk, 2018)

Research consistently identifies six characteristics of positive adult friendship:


  • Stimulating companionship

  • Help or social support

  • Emotional security

  • Reliable alliance

  • Self-validation

  • Intimacy


I can relate to every one of those.


The Evidence Is Strong


If you dig into the research, the evidence base is seriously impressive:


  • Friendship predicts wellbeing (it’s not just correlated with it)

  • It improves mental and physical health

  • It increases longevity

  • It builds resilience

  • It reduces isolation and loneliness

  • It strengthens self-confidence and self-worth


This isn’t sentimental. It’s psychological and physiological.


Building Community When You Need It Most


At one of my lowest points, I realised I couldn’t rely on “official” support systems alone. I needed to create my own support structures.


So I built community.


Using meetup.com, I created the Edinburgh Wine Meetup Group. I organised wine tastings and events. Within months, there were hundreds of members. Some became close friends.


I’d learned in business that relationships precede transactions. If you want to sell expertise, people first need to meet you and trust you.


Why wouldn’t the same principle apply socially?


Years later, that same seed led to the creation of the Psychology Business Incubator, a community that blends psychology, business, and friendship.


Be The Organiser


It is very easy to slide into isolation, especially when life circumstances change. But you can do something about it.


Don’t leave friendship to chance:


  • Be proactive.

  • Call old friends.

  • Rekindle.

  • Visit people where they are.

  • Invite people over.

  • Join clubs.

  • Learn something new.

  • Serve causes you believe in.

  • Start something.

  • Be the organiser.



As they said in Field of Dreams: “Build it and they will come.”

It may take time. It will require effort. But it might just be the best investment you ever make.


Further Reading & Evidence Base


The psychology of friendship is supported by a substantial and growing evidence base across clinical, social, health, and organisational psychology. For readers who would like to explore further, the following resources informed and complement this article:


Articles & Research



Books


  • Connect — Edward Hallowell, A compelling exploration of human connection and its central role in mental health.

  • Aging Well — George Vaillant, Insights from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, showing how relationships predict longevity and life satisfaction.

  • The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People — Stephen Covey, Particularly relevant for its emphasis on trust, mutual benefit, and long-term relational investment.


PBI Take:

We believe community is a psychological infrastructure. In psychology, we talk about engagement, motivation and growth, but underneath all, sustainable success is belonging. Adult friendship strengthens resilience, supports mental health, and enables honest conversations. In entrepreneurial and consulting life, where isolation is common, that matters even more.

PBI was built for friendship. Growth follows connection.

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet
Add a rating
bottom of page