Emotional and Verbal abuse that penetrates deeper than a cut.
- Karen Mills
- Oct 5
- 5 min read
Trigger warning for readers, content may cause distress for viewers. Please contact PBI if you need support
This blog is written by Psychology Business Incubator (PBI) member Barke Kamuss.
Member Bio:
As the Founder and CEO of Barke BeYourOwnHero CIC, I am deeply passionate about my work. With over 10 years of experience and as a full member of the BPS, I have dedicated my career to psychological and mental well-being, including coaching, mentoring, public speaking, and authoring. I focus on aiding communities that face complex barriers such as social exclusion, mental health challenges, and limited access to culturally responsive support systems. Traditional services often fall short, leaving critical gaps in addressing the root causes of hardship, especially for vulnerable populations.
I support these communities with an approach that combines authentic lived experience with evidence-based psychological and community development strategies. We deliver personalised coaching, educational workshops, and community empowerment initiatives that challenge societal barriers, build resilience, and foster community-led transformation. My passion for providing these services and achieving evidence-based outcomes remains unwavering. In 2026, I plan to further my commitment by starting my doctorate in clinical and community psychology.
Blog
Have you ever experienced verbal or emotional abuse done to you or inflicted upon others?
Emotional and Verbal Definition
Verbal abuse, sometimes referred to as emotional abuse, is a variety of words or actions intended to control, threaten, and exert dominance over another person.
These include attempts to intimidate, isolate, and control others, as well as the silent treatment, insults, humiliation, and mockery.
Emotional and verbal abuse involves acts of violence, such as slamming doors, hurling objects, damaging property, or injuring pets, that are not expressly aimed at individuals but are nonetheless intended to intimidate.
These actions can harm one's well-being and sense of self-worth and are equally as severe as other types of abuse. Since every relationship is unique, it's possible that verbal and emotional abuse won't be immediately noticeable. The behaviours of verbally abusive persons might start abruptly or develop gradually, and they frequently appear to be perfect partners, great managers/bosses, good friends, and even strangers.
Statistics Data
In 2024-2025, there were 2,600 therapy sessions and more than 7,000 calls to the NSPCC Helpline, indicating that emotional abuse is a significant issue for over one in three children in the UK. This prevalence underscores the importance of understanding and addressing this issue, ensuring that you, as a reader, are well-informed about its widespread occurrence.
A recent poll found that 88% of victims of partner violence reported experiencing non-physical abuse, which includes financial and emotional abuse.
Workplace Data
According to the CIPD's 2024 Good Work Index, one in four employees experienced conflict or abuse in the past year. Common types of abuse included humiliation, shouting, and verbal abuse. A 2024 study found that more than 10% of employees in England faced workplace bullying and harassment (WBH), mostly from their line managers and colleagues. The most reported issues included excessive criticism, verbal abuse, and humiliation.
A 2023 TUC poll showed that many young women encountered sexual harassment, bullying, or verbal abuse at work, often from customers or clients. Workplace bullying and harassment (WBH) refers to any unwanted behaviour that makes someone feel intimidated, degraded, humiliated or offended. It is linked to poor mental health, leading to anxiety and depression. Many employees do not report these incidents because they fear being disbelieved or worry about how it will affect their relationships and careers.
Workplace bullying costs the UK economy about £18 billion each year, mainly due to sickness absences and lost productivity. These statistics highlight the serious problem of verbal and emotional abuse at work and underscore the need for continuous efforts to create safe and respectful work environments. This should motivate you, as a reader, to commit to these efforts and contribute to a healthier work culture.
Personal Reflection:
Growing up in an environment where emotional and verbal abuse were deeply normalised affected my experiences. As a victim, I sought self-improvement through coping mechanisms like people-pleasing and negative self-talk, often blaming myself for not being good enough. At 16, I was arranged to marry a man nearly 20 years my senior, and the cycle of emotional, verbal, and financial abuse continued. These behaviours benefited the abuser, leaving me feeling worthless and, at times, leading to self-harm. I often thought life wasn't worth living. Eventually, I recognised the need to change my mindset and behaviour to reclaim my life. This realisation became my calling: to help young people and women build confidence and leadership skills in their communities. My journey underscores the impact of emotional and verbal abuse and the importance of personal growth and healing. It serves as a beacon of hope, inspiring others to believe in the possibility of recovery and transformation.
Three Steps to Overcome Verbal and Emotional Abuse
When experiencing emotional and verbal abuse, especially to people who mean so much to us, it can be very hard to manage rapidly, and it takes time and consistency to change the way you think and behave in presenting yourself and to others around you.
1. Recognise and Acknowledge
To address verbal and emotional abuse, start by understanding the signs. Reflect on your experiences and identify any harmful behaviours. Accept your feelings and know you are not alone; what you experienced is not okay. Writing in a journal or talking to a trusted friend or therapist can help you understand and recognise the abuse.
2. Set Boundaries and Communicate
To protect yourself from further abuse, set clear boundaries. Tell the abuser what behaviours you will not accept. If the abuse continues, consider limiting or cutting off contact. Surround yourself with supportive people who respect your boundaries and help you feel safe and valued.
3. Seek Professional Support and Resources
Healing often needs professional help. Consider therapy or counselling to work through your experiences and learn coping strategies. Utilise resources such as support groups or hotlines to connect with others who understand what you are going through. By taking these steps, you can regain your self-worth and confidence.
Options for Solutions:
Seeking Support: Free Support Organisations, Including a Few Examples.
Barke Kamuss is the founder and CEO of Barke BeYourOwnHero CIC, an organisation that combines lived experiences with evidence-based psychological and community development strategies. We provide personalised coaching, workshops, and initiatives that challenge societal barriers and foster community transformation. Partnering with us enables your organisation to demonstrate social responsibility, expand its outreach, and align with a purpose-driven initiative that produces a measurable social impact. Together, we can support underserved populations and strengthen community ties for sustainable development.
Emotional and verbal abuse often leaves scars that aren’t visible, but cut far deeper than we realise. In this moving blog, PBI member Barke Kamuss shares her lived experience and professional insight to shed light on how words and behaviour can shape self-worth, resilience, and healing.
Her message is a powerful call to recognise the signs, set boundaries, and seek support, both personally and within our workplaces.
At PBI, we believe that raising awareness of these hidden forms of harm is key to building psychologically safe spaces for all.
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